‘It’s your fault, You shouldn’t have gone to that concert/party in the first place. ‘When you knew it wouldn’t be a segregated event, you should have avoided it and stayed home.’. These lines are quite familiar and often heard and said whenever there’s a case of harassment. Harassment is a stereotyped problem and now, more prevalent in our society. It is complex, subtle and highly subjective. When some stranger or even, someone you know, physically or mentally abuse someone just to scare them or to get things done for them. Inappropriate touch, catcalls in the middle of the street, or even staring at people like it’s the last thing to do on this planet earth. To provoke someone just because it’s a pleasure is plain stupidity and, In my opinion, that person is a psychopath and nothing else.
The problem is within the mindset. It’s etched in the minds of people to blame the victim especially when it’s a girl and everyone loves to buy a stance without even knowing the real story. The eminent smile and compassion eyes which have a tint of coldness in it is enough to kill a person. It’s like adding insult to injuries. Hate to say but It is ruining lives and breaking hearts of many.
This matter has been overlooked in the past but now people are taking it to social media and raising awareness about it. It’s not a joke that we laugh over it and move on. It’s one of the serious issue that people don’t bother to discuss. Victim blaming is quite common in our society; be it a man or woman; If you are harassed or provoked by someone then, it’s your fault. No one even care for the outcome but they have to blame and, do everything possible to dehumanize someone. They end up saying:
‘han to larki ki bhe galti hogi, ase to koi nahe kisi ko tang karta’. ( Girl might has asked for it). Another one:
‘toh larki concert pa gaye he kun? pata tha na mix event tha’ also,
‘toh ase bahir kun nikli, Hijab kun nahe lia usne’ ( Girls must cover themselves up to avoid harassment).
How is that even making sense? Yes, that’s right, It doesn’t make any sense. How in the world victim blaming is the right thing to do? WHY? Why victim is always taught to shut up and hide? why not tell the world? why not teach the harasser a good lesson? The uproar on social media shook me and made me write this blog. Everyone was victim blaming and saying ‘these girls should have avoided this & that’ Nobody has ever asked for harassment or rape, NOBODY. I have seen girls losing confidence, pushed to walls because they bring the bad name to society even when it’s not their fault. ridiculous? I know right.
According to Audre Lord:
“ your silence will not protect you”.
Don’t ever tell victim to seal his/her mouth. DON’T. This bigotry of victim blaming needs to stop. I have seen people hiding themselves in the shadow of their guilt, unnecessary guilt, I have seen ’em drinking remorse for no reason. They have killed themselves, buried their soul in self imposed unworthiness because they couldn’t face the society. Engulfing in a remorse which has already proved self destructive weapon for them. The point which I am trying to make here is, Don’t force anyone into shackles of guilt. NEVER. People who have gone through or going through worst need our support not victim blaming rhetoric played again and again until they become homo suicidal. Yes, That’s true; people taking their own lives because they can’t handle that much pressure, either self imposed or forced upon them by society. Thinking approach needs to change through education. It will take centuries but I am hopeful it will get changed one day.
I pray to GOD that whoever and where ever, is facing all this, get a peaceful life ahead. May their miseries end soon and they become normal humans like us. Anyone who is reading this, is precious, beautiful and full of life. Yes, you need to break these shackles and say goodbye to miseries. Learn to live to your life they way you want. No one can stop you from going ahead. Don’t stay in those walls, step out, feel the sunshine. It’s for you.
“The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on the fighting the old, but building the new”.